Commercials
by Artsysmiles
Summary: A collection of oneshots based off of funny comercials! All starring Sasuke and Naruto! No yaoi. At all. Chapter 5: Special Special #1
1. The Opera

_**Disclaimer: I, Artsysmiles, do not want to not have to not be able to not admit that I don't possibly own Naruto. Does that make sense? I didn't think so. Anyway, I don't own Naruto. That is all.**_

**_Yep. Another multichapter fic. But this one is just drabbles, so it won't be as hard to write. HARP, Chemistry, and Celestial Maiden are coming along nicely. I'm just grounded, so it's harder to update. Anyway! Here's the latest story!_**

Naruto leaned over to give Hinata a peck on the cheek. She blushed, and he held her hand comfortingly. Sasuke was on his left, mirroring his actions on Sakura; a kiss here, a hug there. The two were at the opera with their girlfriends.

"Isn't this beautiful, Sasuke-kun?" whispered Sakura happily.

"Hn," he grunted, a fake smile plastered face. As soon as Sakura returned her focus on the show infront of her, Sasuke released a huge breath.

Leaning over to Naruto, he whispered, "Why are we here again?"

"Because we don't want to dissapoint our girlfriends-teme. Don't worry! I brought BudLight!" Sasuke's eyes widened as he looked over at the grinning blonde. Naruto lifted up the sides of his jacket to reveal six bottles of the beer. They each uncapped a bottle and clinked them silently in happiness.

Suddenly, the woman on the stage hit a high note.

"AaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she sang, adam's apple bobbing. Sasuke and Naruto thought nothing of it until the bottles they were holding exploded, beer fizzing in their hands. People sitting near them turned to stare, even more so as the remaining bottles exploded on Naruto, BudLight flowing from his jacket.

Hinata and Sakura turned to give their boys a reprimand before returing their gazes at the opera.

As Sasuke and Naruto were sitting there glumly, the man infront of them, Neji, turned aroung to stare at the boys.

Waving a can of BudLight in their faces, he asked, "First time at the opera, boys?

**_I got that idea from a beer comrecial! Coming from guy central, I know all beers, and almost all comercials. And football. Lots and lots of football. So anyway, please review! _**


	2. Snickers

_**I, Artsysmiles, am actually not here write now. Please leave a message after the diclaimer. I do not own Naruto**. _**-Beep_- That is all._**

**_Here is chapter 2! The Snickers Comercial!_**

Sasuke sat glumly in Naruto's garage. The dobe was busy fixing his 1950s mustang, and somehow the Uchiha got roped into helping. HIs gaze honed in on a metal object, and an evil thought appeared in hs mind.

"OW!" cried Naruto as a wrench slammed on his head. Sasuke ignored him, until he felt a pang in his stomach.

**Gurgle**

**Gurgle**

Sasuke smiled weakly; he was hungry. And not just hungry hungry. But HUNGRY HUNGRY. He rooted around in his pocket, searching for some food, and came up with a Snickers Bar. Smiling, Sasuke unwrapped the candy bar and shoved half of it in his mouth.

Naruto paused from working on the car once a chocolaty aroma filled his nose. Cerulean eyes rolled over to stare at the candy in Sasuke's mouth. Naruto leaned over, and clamped his mouth shut on the other end of the Snickers.

Sasuke was savoring the flavor, until he felt something wet touch his lips. Onyx eyes opened to stare at the face right infront of him.

There was Naruto, staring at him in shock. The Snickers Bar was gone, and the two were still connected at the mouth.

"EEEEEWWWWW!!!!!" screeched Sasuke.

"NOOOOOO! I HAVE TEME GERMS!" cried Naruto, receiving a glare from Sasuke.

"I think we just accidently kissed," gagged Sasuke.

"Quick!" yelped Naruto. "Do something manly!" The two tore off their shirts and ripped off whatever chest hair they had.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**_That was the best comercial ever! You guys have to see it if you haven't already! Now, please review!_**


	3. Geicho 1

**_I, Artsysmiles, would like to -_We interupt this broadcast to inform you that Artsysmiles does not own Naruto. Thank you. _...Well, that takes care of my job. That is all._**

**_This is based off of an older Geicho comercial. I think you'll like it. Naruto isn't in this one, but I swear he'll be in the next chapter!_**

"Sasuke. Why? I thought you loved me," sobbed Sakura. Sasuke grasped her arms gently, and pulled her towards him.

"I do love you. But I love Ino more," he said.

Sakura hiccuped and cast her large, green eyes down to the ground. Sasuke saw this, and grasped her chin.

"But there is some good news," he said. Sakura's eyes widened.

"You're leaving Ino?" she asked hopefully.

"No," said Sasuke. "I just saved 15 or more on my car insurance by switching to Geicho!"

Sakura gasped, and ran off of the balcony crying. Sasuke frowned.

"I saved! I thought that mattered to you!"

**_That came out a while ago, but since my aunt was on a soap opera for 5 years, it kinda stuck in my head. Please reveiw!_**


	4. Ramen!

_**I, Artsysmiles, do wheeze own cough cough Naruto. PANT Why was it so hard to type that? That is all.**_

**_Well, tis one only stars Naruto. Sorry, no Sasuke-kun! I think I need to lie down. I just dissapointed myself. But before I go, this is another beer comercial!_**

Naruto walked into his kitchen, instant ramen in hand. His dog, Pakkun, followed at his heels, probably hoping for a bite of ramen.

"Pakkun, do we have any Bud Light?" asked Naruto as he lookec for the perfect drink to go with his ramen.

Pakkun yipped and whined before lying down on the floor.

"NO! I am not giving you any more catnip!" exclaimed Naruto, shoked that his dog could want such a vile substance. He pushed his hand deeper into the fridge and searched for a bottle-he learned the hard way at the opera-of Bud Light. Suddenly, his hands met a cold glass surface. His fingers grasped the bottle and slowly, Naruto pulled it out.

A smile lit up his tanned face.

"Bud Light!" he said happily. He openned the bottle, and let the tangy liqiud roll down his throat. "You want some, Pakkun?"

"Ramen!" barked the dog.

"What?" asked Naruto, dumbfounded that his dog had spoken.

"Ramen! Ramen! Oh, ramen! Ramen! Ramen! Ramen! Please, ramen!" whined Pakkun. Naruto's eyes widened, and they slowly moved over to stare at the Bud Light bottle. In small fine print, Naruto read, '_Bud Light now offers the ability to communicate with animals'._

"Well, this explains so much," griped the blonde as he left the whining dog alone in the kitchen.

* * *

Three weeks later, Naruto openned another bottle of his favorite beer. Again the liquid touched his thraot, but not before he had quickly read the small print on the label.

_Do to dogs that won't shut up, Bud Light no longer offers the ability to communicate with animals._

"Thank god," sighed Naruto.

**_Well, that's all. I hope it was worth the wait. It's not that this chapter took along time to type, I just wasn't on the computer, or was trying to think of a good enough commercial. So, review!_**


	5. Urgent! Read, and deal!

**_I_**

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**_Am_**

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**_Grounded._**

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**_Again._**

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**_I'm sorry guys, but until then I can't update freely. Actually, I shouldn't be on the computer now. So, just grin and bear it, and I'll be back as soon as I can! I repeat, sorry!_**


	6. Special Special 1

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* * *

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I, Artsysmiles, no idea why I memorize so many stupid commercials, but they do make for a good story, eh? And you know what would make it even better? If I owned Naruto! ...Sigh...If only. That is all.

**_And now! I present! Another chapter! Of Commercials! Also I! Am thinking! Of changing! The title! To Commerials! And Other! Funny Things! Ok. Did anybody other than me find that really annoying?_**

**_Actually, this chapter isn't based off of a commercial. It's based off of part of a George Lopez episode. I will occasionaly do some sort of special like this, but it will mainly be commercials. So, enjoy this NOT once-in-a-lifetime special!_**

**_George: Naruto_**

**_Angie: Hinata_**

**_Ernie: Kiba (Ernie's a possibly gay fat guy who likes George's wife. I can't see Sasuke liking Hinata at all, or being possibly gay. No offense to Kiba. He just works for this part.)_**

**_Benny, George's mother: Tsunade_**

**_Vic, Angie's father: Hiashi_**

**_Wayne, Benny's ex-boyfriend: Jiraiya_**

**_Trust me. This is funny._**

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know that Tsunade had died," said Jiraiya sadly.

"Yeah. She just up and died," said Naruto.

"Well, bye," said Jiraiya as he walked out of Naruto's house.

* * *

"Naruto, who was that?" asked Hinata.

"One of my mom's ex-boyfriends. But Hinata! Guess what! I told him my mom died so now she'll never marry him!" exclaimed Naruto. Hinata frowned.

"Naruto!" she whined. "Why would you do something like that to your mom?"

"Because. I hated Jiraiya. He was all wrong for my mom."

"Well," began Hinata, "you better fix it. Because when your mom gets thrown out of her apartment and has to live here, your second wife isn't going to like that." With that, Hinata walked away only to be stopped by Naruto.

"Yeah, well my second wife will be just fine with that, cause she's Celine Dion," smiled the blonde. Hinata cocked an eyebrow at this. "Yeah, that's right. It could happen. You don't know."

* * *

Hiashi, Kiba, and Naruto sat side by side as they watched a football game.

"WOOH!" cheered the men as their team scored, only to be interrupted by the door bell ringing.

"I'll get it," said Naruto, rising from his chair to open the door. "Hello?"

"Are you Uzumaki Naruto?" asked the man. A nod. "Sign here please. Thank you." Naruto closed the door and stared at the bouquet in his hands.

"Who are those from?" asked Kiba.

"Jiraiya. Oh man. I think he really thinks my mom died," murmered Naruto.

"Wait. Jiraiya? That guy that we framed with my mom's bra?" asked Kiba. Naruto nodded as Hiashi made a disgusted face.

"I really don't need to here about your mom's bra, Kiba," gagged Hiashi.

"Yeah Kiba," said Naruto. "Let's talk about Hinata's instead." Kiba nodded enthusiatically at this part, and Hiashi again gagged.

"Must I really here you talk about my daughter like that?" asked the Hyuuga head.

"Yeah. You know Hinata's an angel," said Naruto. "Till she walks up those stairs, HELLO!" And with that, Hiashi left the room.

"Oi, kid, whose flowers are those from?" asked Tsunade as she walked in Naruto's front door, beer in hand.

"Oh, they're from Jiraiya," stated Kiba. After noticing the threatening look he was receiving from Naruto, Kiba quickly exited the room and Hinata entered it.

"Jiraiya?" exclaimed Tsunade. "He was the best boyfriend I ever had. Until he cheated on me." At this, Hinata narrowed her eyes, a sneaky look on her face. "So, why did he send flowers?"

"Oh! Um...he didn't these are for him. Jiraiya died," Naruto said.

"But, why do they say 'In loving memory of Tsunade'?"

"Because, um...uh...that's what he wrote before he died!"

"Then why do they say 'Rest in Peace'?" asked the busty blonde.

"How should I know what was going on in his head before he died!?" exclaimed Naruto, sweat trickling down his face.

"You know, Tsunade," began Hinata, casting an evil look at Naruto, "there's a TV movie on about a mother who always lies to her son, and one day the son lies to the mom, and it all blows up in his face."

"I think I've seen that one. It's the one where Farrah Fawcet lights that guy on fire, right?" asked Tsunade.

"No," said Hinata. "This one is based on a true story."

"Oh." A pause. "Are you sure it's not the one where Farrah Fawcet lights the guy on fire?"

**_I'm gonna end this one here. Let me know if you want me to continue this oneshot. But even if you say yes, I can't guarentee that it will be placed right after this chapter. Next will definitely be a commercial. Now, review!_**


	7. Insurance

**_I, Artsysmiles, don't like having the police monitor my every move. I don't own Naruto! How hard is it to understand that? That is all._**

**_Here it is! Another chapter of commercials!_**

Naruto and Sasuke were lounging around Sasuke's two bedroom apartment. Or rather, Sasuke was lounging, Naruto was staring out the window and eating ramen.

"Hey," said Naruto, breaking Sasuke's train of thought _why he hasn't gotten laid recently._

"Yes, Dobe?" answered Sasuke.

"Is that your new porshe?" he asked, staring at the yellow car on the street opposite him.

"Mm hmm."

"Must be expensive," he commented.

"You mean was," smirked Sasuke.

"Yeah." Naruto's cerulean blue eyes widened a fraction of an inch before settling back to normal as a bucked of hot pink paint fell on the car. "Is it hard to insure?" he asked as a truck rammed into the car.

"No. Not since I switched to Nationwide. The insurance has been a breeze," murmered Sasuke as he turned a page in his magazine.

"Oh," said Naruto. He continued staring out the window as a T.V. smashed the porshe's window shield. "So, would it be expensive to replace?"

"No. Now, can you stop talking to me? Sakura's in this Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition, and I haven't seen her body in days," said Sasuke, staring at the picture of his girlfriend.

Naruto fell silent as he watched the car get destroyed by Sasuke's neighbors.

"Hey, Sasuke? One more thing," said Naruto.

"What?" sighed Sasuke as he turned to face Naruto.

"You're car is destroyed."

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"WHAT?!"

**_And I leave you! Please review! But I wonder why Sasuke had a yellow car... Anyway, review!_**


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